Who am I?
A child adopted at infancy, raised by adoptive parents who forced me to be who they demanded, I survived by trying to feel their feelings, get into their brain, fervently trying to be one step ahead of their moods and reactions. I was hyper vigilant and ultra sensitive to the point of not knowing my true self, never knowing authenticity or autonomy. The purpose of my life was to fulfill their needs. I was required to earn their love. I wasn’t worthy of love otherwise. They didn’t know how to love their adopted children unconditionally and that did some permanent damage.
I don’t need these survival skills anymore, these behavioral patterns of putting others needs before mine. I realize now that I don’t need to do things for someone in order to make them love me. I am trying to be more aware of these futile ways I related to people due to conditioning and brainwashing. I do not want to sacrifice my identity or my life for other people anymore. I want to be seen for who I am, loved for who I am and to finally, as I approach the age of 50, learn how to appreciate who I really am.